Thoughts on dating.

April 2014, six months ago almost to the day. A whole lot can happen in that sort of time frame, and for me i feel it has definitely warranted a new post of sorts. I don't really blog anymore, blogs are so public and the thoughts i think and the emotions i feel are definitely not. The past six months have been quite interesting, I spent the summer as a nanny for a phenomenal family, completely removed from the world of dating. When school resumed in late August, I found myself going on date after date, week after week. Never once getting to the point in which I could see myself in a relationship with any of these men, but I didn't really stress, "It's all about gaining experience, finding out the qualities that you really want in a husband and the ones that you can not have at all" people told me. They were right, oh they were absolutely correct, but what I didn't see coming, not one tiny bit, was finding someone who had every quality on my checklist but still was not the one. We only dated for a few minutes (or weeks), but he was the type of person I could see a lifetime with if the stars crossed and fate allowed it. But eventually the real world sunk in, and the late night giggles, dang good kisses, and hypothetical conversations about life were not enough. There were two key issues for us as to why we couldn't seriously date. The first being how quickly we moved, I don't think either of us was prepared for that, and when the small talk wasn't small talk anymore and we were meeting each others families after two weeks, it became apparent that we needed to slow things way down. But slowing things down wasn't going to resolve the problems I could see myself having down the road in the relationship. We both grew up completely different, and consequently wanted very different things in life. I am a city girl at heart with the desire to travel, have a career, AND be the best mother I could possibly be. While his desires were so good, and so family oriented as I believe all desires should be, our paths will split in completely different directions once graduation hit and neither of us is currently in a position to compromise those things. "Fight for him", they said, "if you could see yourself falling in love with him then nothing else matters" which should be true, it really should be. But when the real world sinks in and one person can't fully find happiness in the situation, is it really going to bring maximum happiness? Six months ago I wrote a blog post to my future husband, hoping so very badly I would find him upon returning to school this fall, however, I am most definitely single and not very ready to mingle after my last dating experience. In my last post I talked a lot about the importance of finding someone that would not make me give up my dreams in exchange for marriage. At the time, I thought that was a correct way of thinking, when in reality it most definitely is not. When talking to one of the boys I was dating, he said "I think it's fair of you to want those things, to not have to give them up, but I also think down the line one of us might change our perspective, what you want now and what you want in the next ten years could possibly be very different things". He is right, perspectives change, people change, and at some point I had to realize that the fantasy of living in a two bedroom apartment in New York City with two little kids who like to ride their scooters down the avenues might not be what the person I am supposed to spend eternity with wants. I'm not anywhere close to being married, but i've decided that marriage is not one person giving up all their dreams so that another person can live out theirs, but is instead both people giving everything they have to make their life together better than anything a single person could have on their own. Maybe that means I won't live in New York City, as heartbreaking as that sounds. Maybe I will live there, with someone who loves it equally as much as I do. All i know is that at some point I am going to meet someone who is worth giving up everything for, and they'll want to give up everything for me too. We'll find a middle ground and holy hannah, it is going to be wonderful, so very blissful. While dating this last boy, I realized that there are people out there that offer everything I am looking for. It was not him, and that's okay. But I do know that the happiness that is going to come when that boy and I finally find each other will be greater than any happiness I have ever felt in any relationship before. It's worth holding out for, and husband, wherever you are, whoever you are, whatever you're doing, please find me. I've been waiting for you my whole life.