for my future husband.

I went to the temple last week, to think and to pray and to wonder about the future. I'm almost done with my freshman year of college and by world standards that is no time to be thinking about marriage, but while i am of the world in so many ways, I want to be married young, as long as I find you. No settling for this girl. I've been thinking a lot about you lately, much more frequently than one probably should. But I can't help it, I want to know who you are. I have been on a tangent in which I dream a lot about the future, about you, about our life together. I wonder if we have already met, if we have already dated, if we have already talked about a future together. I hope for the possibility of a June wedding, with tulips and spring, and all the ones we love. I worry that my dreams and ambitions are keeping you away, I am a mormon girl with the desire to live out a life not too common for the average mormon wife, after all. There are so many things I want in life, to graduate from college, travel, move to New York City in pursuit of my dream life, attend grad school, land my dream job. All of these things I can do myself, alone, with not a single other person depending on me, and sometimes it is tempting. But it's not worth it, not worth the studio apartment on lexington and 36th, not worth the shiny MBA from NYU, not worth the collection of prada crammed into my tiny closet. It's all so materialistic, really, the things I want from life, but I don't think it's wrong of me to want them. I have always said that I will know that I have met the right person to marry when i'm willing to give up the dream of moving to New York for them, but the right person wouldn't make me give that up, would they? So where do I draw the line? I don't believe that I have to. Someday we will meet, and when I mention that I want to live in New York City for the rest of my life, you won't cringe, but instead will jump with excitement. New York is, after all, the most exciting place in the world. We'll laugh about things like farting jokes and napolean dynamite, and eventually we'll get engaged. I don't care at all about the proposal, it doesn't have to be romantic or involve eight hundred roses that spell out "will you marry me?", just you and me, the things we love, and an eternity to share them. We'll be married in the spring sometime, unless we meet in the spring, then we'll settle for a winter wedding. I dream of a wedding in the Manhattan temple, but would be just as content in the Minnesota or Salt Lake City temples. It does not really matter to me, forever is forever no matter what temple you get married in. We'll finish up school, somewhere in Utah, most likely, and apply to grad schools all over the country. Eventually we'll end up in new york city, with a tiny one bedroom on the upper west side, both working long days, but enjoying every moment of the life that comes with New York City. Eventually, we'll have two or three littles, and have to upgrade to a two bedroom, but we'll blissfully happy in the city that takes so much but gives even more. It's so much a dream right now, but if you're out there, somewhere, please find me. I've been waiting for you my whole entire life. 

xoxo

Sarah